If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
