We're facebook friends in real life
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
