He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
