I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
