Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
