Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
