Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
