do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Randomize
