I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
