shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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