(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
