he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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