hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
ugly people sure do ruin things
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
