Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
