god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
