I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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