so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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