update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
