I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
