I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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