She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
