I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
