That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
