I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
