you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
