I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
