i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
