I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
