Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
