got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
