I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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