how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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