I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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