You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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