Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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