Im at strip club and am horny
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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