I think I died a long time ago.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
