wanna go halves on a baby?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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