yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
