Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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