i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
