If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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