I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
MIDGETS
????
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
