at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
