I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
