Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
