Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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