nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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