She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
