they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
