I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
