I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
