Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
