Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
