Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
