That reminds me...we need to get swords
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
